Hey there — I am Ashley Alexander, the voice behind Detour From Hell (the “Hot Mess”). We will be talking all things mental health, domestic violence, addiction, along with all the side topics that come with them. If this seems like a conversation you would be interested in, please subscribe to the blog!
The following is my story in a nutshell. In certain situations, I can be more sympathetic rather than empathetic. I have also obtained several certifications for the business I am trying to start, but my life experience is my most valuable asset. I also want to give a voice to people who don’t have one. For example, we will be discussing the Mental Health stigma in the corporate and construction worlds. And teaching people that we are still capable of doing anything we put our mind to; some of us may do it a bit differently. So I am starting this blog for many reasons.
I grew up in a chaotic environment filled with domestic violence, addiction, and the confusion that comes with it. By my twenties, I found myself trapped in toxic patterns and struggling with alcoholism to avoid confronting the reality I had created. I somehow made it to college and ended up getting my degree. But in my 4th year, I survived the Joplin tornado. This is when my drinking really picked up, and I would do whatever was put in front of me for the most part. But alcohol was my constant. However, I was very successful in my career. By the age of 28, my liver was failing, and I was in the hospital (many times).
Recovery provided me with a second chance, but life still had (and still has) many more lessons to teach me. I found my fiancé, Dustin Gene Gotham, murdered by fentanyl poisoning in 2022. This is a case I am still fighting to get investigated, as I believe I have critical evidence. But that loss shattered me like no other event had in the past. My PTSD turned into complex PTSD (CPTSD). It is still causing some issues, I am still dealing with grief, the stress and anxiety is a whole new monster, and since I have lost 4 jobs. I had never lost a job prior to his passing. However, although I was successful in finance, I ended up hating my work, despite being good at it. In my early twenties, I believed that money was the most important thing. However, now that I am older, I realize how far from the truth that belief was.
Since my last job loss, my current partner sat down with me, and his exact words were, “I dont care how little you make or how much your education costs, figure out what will make you happy”. This meant the world to me. I was speechless and still am in awe daily. I have never been in such a position that I could take a step back to look at what possibilities are out there that I would really want to do. No one has wanted to take care of ME before. I have always been independent. Even though its difficult to trust for me, I believe I finally am in a healthy relationship, that puts just as much into it as I do. So I am “letting go of control”, which is extremely difficult for a person like me.
I started to explore what I truly want to pursue. Although I can’t pinpoint exactly how I arrived at my current focus, it feels like the perfect fit given my experiences. I plan to start a business that takes information about the topics we will be discussing to businesses, schools, and rehabilitation centers, for awareness and advocacy, being the goal. I genuinely believe I can help many people. The stigma surrounding these issues needs to end. Trauma is becoming increasingly common, and having a mental health diagnosis or a history of addiction does not make someone incompetent. Writing became my lifeline—a way to process trauma, grief, and anxiety. I want to give a voice to those people who don’t have one. So I decided to get the conversation going here. I wanted to start this blog because I know many people can relate to my story in some way. And I know many of those people feel alone or are not comfortable talking to someone. That is a terrible feeling. So overall, that is my goal here.