Blog: Detour From Hell; The Mind of a Hot Mess

So as I wrote this, I noticed I went everywhere with this entry. So I broke it out a different way this week:

Letting Go of Overthinking and Learning to Trust the Process

I tend to overthink everything—especially the big decisions. Every couple of weeks, I catch myself questioning the choices I’ve already made. A lot of that comes from my lack of self-confidence and the fear that I’m not doing “enough.” After leaving my last accounting job—where I had already taken a 60% pay cut—I dove headfirst into building a business with no guaranteed income. It’s terrifying, but it’s also the most aligned I’ve ever felt.

Letting go is hard when you’ve been independent your whole life. Trusting other people feels even harder. That’s why I’m grateful for my partner. When I was on the verge of taking another finance job I’d hate, he said, “I don’t care how little you make or how much the education costs. Figure out what will make you happy.” That was the first time in years that I felt like I could truly accept someone’s help and make a change.

When I finally paused and asked myself what I truly wanted to do with my life, the answer surprised me—but instantly felt right. I doubted myself at first, because I thought it was too much “out of the box”, but he looked at me and said, “I think you need to do something outside the box to be happy.” And he was right.

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Small Moments, Big Signs

On the days when I doubt myself, little signs keep showing up.

Recently, while doing DoorDash, I walked into Raising Cane’s wearing a hoodie from my home NA hall in Wichita. The cashier noticed it, teared up, and told me she had ten years of sobriety before relapsing after moving to Arkansas. A minute later, while still speaking with this woman who had moved to the other side of the counter, a man walked up and pointed to my hoodie—he had eight years sober. We stood there, three strangers, connecting over recovery in the middle of a fast-food restaurant. Before I left, the cashier said if I ever found another hoodie like mine, she wanted one. I’m hoping to bring one back for her when I visit Wichita over the holidays.

On the way out, I held the door for a couple, and then let go. Then I realized a very elderly couple was walking up, so I ran back and grabbed the door, what seemed to me to be obvious. The man looked at me and said, “That is the nicest thing anyone has done for me today”. A tiny gesture—but it clearly mattered to him. Moments like that remind me how simple kindness can change someone’s day, and how connected all of us really are.

Every one of these interactions felt like confirmation: I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

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A New Kind of Career Happiness

Even though I work hard to get this business off the ground, I’ve realized something important:
I am happier delivering food than I ever was sitting in a salaried office job.

I don’t have to tiptoe around anyone, kiss up to bosses, or carry the weight of unrealistic expectations. I can breathe. I can think. I can listen to music and feel at peace. In my 20s, I thought success was measured in dollars. Now? I know that’s not true at all.

Despite the uncertainty, I’m genuinely the happiest I’ve been in years—maybe ever. I still have a lot to work obviously, but I’m learning patience, one day at a time—and I couldn’t be more excited about the future.

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Recovery Communities in NW Arkansas vs. Wichita

Serene Efficiency will initially focus on addressing mental health stigma in the workplace. This includes providing communication tools for management, identifying triggers, and recognizing symptoms related to mental health issues. Eventually, the business will expand its advocacy efforts to include various topics in schools and rehabilitation centers, such as mental health, domestic violence, and addiction. In the long term, I hope to help build more recovery resources in Northwest Arkansas.

Because honestly… Wichita’s recovery community spoiled me.

Meetings were everywhere. I always left feeling better than when I walked in. Here in NW Arkansas, the meetings are spread out, inconsistent, and often heavily influenced by religious views. I’ve had experiences where I mentioned Dustin and was told that some women “might take offense” simply because I said the word fentanyl in an open meeting. Another meeting turned into Bible quotes. I walked out and never went back.

Everyone is entitled to their beliefs, but religious instruction doesn’t belong in recovery halls—not when newcomers may overhear it and think the program isn’t for them.

Add to that the lack of sober-living options for women, and it becomes clear that this region needs more support. Wichita has more resources in a few square miles than NW Arkansas has in three cities. That’s something I would love to help change someday.

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Why I’m Confident in My Path (Even When I’m Not)

I still struggle with self-doubt, but the signs that I’m on the right path keep coming. I’m gaining visibility before I’ve even started networking. Companies are finally recognizing how critical mental health, inclusion, and communication are in the workplace. And my lived experience allows me to connect with people in a way that can truly make a difference.

I’m impatient by nature, but even while working deliveries most days, things are coming together faster than I expected. I know the journey won’t be easy, but I’m excited for what’s ahead. Whether it takes one year or five, I’m building something meaningful—and I believe in it.

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Can You Relate?

If you struggle with self-doubt or constantly need reassurance that you’re on the right path, you are not alone. I’d love to hear how others cope with second-guessing, starting over, or chasing something new when it feels scary.

Thanks for reading — see you next week 💚