Cortisol: The Survival Chemical We Mistake for the Enemy
For the last several weeks, we have talked about the chemicals connected to motivation, pleasure, confidence, connection, and pain relief.
Part 1: went over the Happy Chemicals in general:
Part 2: Dopamine helps push us toward rewards.
Part 3: Serotonin plays a role in mood, confidence, stability, and our sense of well-being.
Part 4: Oxytocin helps us form connections, build trust, and feel close to other people.
Part 5: Endorphins help reduce pain and provide temporary relief when things become overwhelming.
But there is another chemical that influences nearly every part of how we respond to life, especially when the brain believes we are in danger.
Cortisol.
Cortisol is commonly called the stress hormone, and most of the time, we hear about it as though it is something harmful that needs to be lowered, controlled, or eliminated. But Cortisol is not the enemy. It is a survival chemical.
Without it, we would struggle to wake up, respond to emergencies, regulate energy, maintain blood pressure, and prepare our bodies to handle difficult situations. The problem is not that our bodies produce cortisol. The problem begins when our brains and bodies never fully receive the message that the danger has passed.
When stress becomes constant, a temporary emergency response can begin feeling like the body’s normal state. We may remain tense even when nothing is happening. We may scan people’s faces, voices, and behavior for signs that something is wrong. We may struggle to rest without feeling guilty, restless, or unsafe. We may prepare for problems that have not happened and assume calm is only the quiet period before the next disaster. We may become exhausted but still feel unable to slow down.
And after living that way long enough, survival mode may stop feeling like survival mode.
It may simply feel like who we are.
“Cortisol makes you old. If you have a memory that’s more than 18 months old approximately and when you pull that memory up to mind, if you still have an emotional reaction, that means you have not fully articulated the memory.”
– Jordan Peterson
What Cortisol Actually Is
Cortisol is a hormone made by the adrenal glands, which sit just above the kidneys.
Hormones are chemical messengers. They travel through the bloodstream and help different parts of the body communicate with one another.
Although cortisol is best known for its role in stress, our bodies naturally produce it every day. It helps regulate energy, blood pressure, inflammation, blood sugar, and our sleep-and-wake cycle.
Cortisol is generally higher around the time we wake up, helping us become alert and prepare for the day, and usually decreases as the day continues. When the brain notices a threat or challenge, it sends signals telling the adrenal glands to release more cortisol.
That threat could be physical, such as nearly getting into a car accident. But it could also be emotional or psychological. An argument. A deadline. Financial pressure. A painful memory. A message from someone who has hurt us before. Or the fear that something might go wrong.
The brain does not always require proof that danger is happening right now. Sometimes a familiar tone of voice, memory, or situation resembling something painful from the past can activate the stress response.
Once cortisol is released, it helps the body prepare. It makes energy more readily available. It increases alertness. It helps us focus on the immediate situation. And it temporarily shifts attention away from things that feel less urgent. In a healthy stress response, cortisol rises when it is needed and begins settling when the situation passes.
The alarm sounds. The body responds. The danger ends. And the system slowly returns to normal. The difficulty begins when the alarm keeps sounding—or when the body has experienced so much stress that it no longer knows when it is safe to turn the alarm off.
“Cortisol also has powerful bone-thinning actions. Depressed people secrete high levels of cortisol, which is why stressed and depressed postmenopausal women are more likely to develop osteoporosis and hip fractures.”
– Gabor Mate
The Difference Between Temporary Stress and Chronic Stress
Not all stress is harmful. Short-term stress can help us react quickly, focus our attention, meet a deadline, avoid danger, or push through a difficult moment. If a car suddenly pulls out in front of us, we need our body to respond immediately.
If we have an important presentation, interview, test, or emergency, temporary stress may help us become more alert and prepared.
This is often called acute stress. It has a beginning and an end.
– Something happens.
– The body responds.
– The situation passes.
Then, ideally, the nervous system begins settling again.
Chronic stress is different. Chronic stress happens when the pressure does not fully end—or when one stressful situation is replaced by another before the body has had time to recover.
It may come from an unsafe home, an unhealthy relationship, financial instability, a high-pressure workplace, caregiving, grief, health problems, repeated trauma, constant conflict, or simply living for years without ever feeling fully secure.
Sometimes the original danger is no longer present, but the body continues responding as though it could return at any moment. If you never knew when someone would become angry, when the next crisis would happen, or whether you were truly safe, your brain may have learned that relaxing was risky.
Staying alert may have helped you survive. But the body was never meant to remain in that state indefinitely.
- When stress becomes chronic, we may wake up already tense.
- We may feel exhausted but unable to rest.
- We may become overwhelmed by things that seem small.
- We may struggle to concentrate because part of the brain is constantly monitoring what could go wrong.
- We may feel irritable, restless, emotionally numb, or completely drained.
And because this state develops gradually, we may not realize how much stress the body is carrying. We may simply think we are impatient, lazy, unmotivated, overly emotional, and bad at handling pressure. Or somehow weaker than everyone else.
But chronic stress is not a character flaw. It is what can happen when a survival system is asked to remain active for too long.
Temporary stress says: Something is happening. I need to respond.
Chronic stress says: Something is always about to happen. I cannot let my guard down.
When Your Brain Stops Recognizing Safety
The brain is constantly collecting information about what is safe and what may be dangerous. It learns from experience. It remembers patterns. It notices tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, sounds, places, and situations connected to stress or pain.
If something hurt us once, the brain wants to recognize it faster the next time. The problem is that the brain does not always perfectly distinguish between danger happening now and something that reminds us of danger from the past.
Seeing someone who resembles a person who once hurt us may be enough to make the body react. Our heart rate may increase. Our muscles may tighten. Our thoughts may race. We may start sweating. We may start shaking. We may feel the need to defend ourselves, leave, shut down, explain ourselves, or prepare for the worst. We may even go into a full-blown panic attack before anyone around us understands what is happening.
Other people may say:
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “Why do you let things bother you so much?”
- “You need to get over it.”
But they are only seeing that one moment. They are not feeling the collective weight of every experience connected to it through your entire life. Most people around us do not know every trauma we have experienced, every situation our bodies remember, or every time we had to stay alert to protect ourselves. They may not understand that the reaction is not always about one person or one event. It may be connected to years of experiences that taught the brain to respond quickly.
That is why two people can experience the same situation and react completely differently. One person may feel uncomfortable and move on. Another may feel panicked, angry, numb, overwhelmed, or completely shut down.
Each nervous system responds based on what it has learned and what it believes it must do to stay safe. When someone has lived through chronic stress, trauma, instability, or repeated conflict, the brain may begin treating uncertainty itself as a threat.
This is where hypervigilance can develop. Hypervigilance is more than being observant. It is constantly monitoring the environment for danger. You may closely watch people’s moods.
- You may notice the smallest change in someone’s voice.
- You may replay conversations to determine whether you did something wrong.
- You may struggle to enjoy good moments because part of you is waiting for them to end.
The absence of immediate danger does not always feel the same as safety. Sometimes calm feels unfamiliar. Sometimes kindness feels suspicious. Sometimes stability feels temporary. Sometimes we are physically safe, but our nervous system has not caught up yet.
That does not mean the brain is broken. It means the brain became very good at noticing danger.Healing is not simply telling ourselves that we are safe. It is helping the brain and body experience safety often enough that they slowly begin to believe it.
Why Rest Feels Uncomfortable—and How to Help Your Body Slow Down
For someone who has lived in survival mode for a long time, rest does not always feel peaceful. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels unproductive. Sometimes it even feels unsafe.
When the body is accustomed to preparing for the next problem, slowing down may create the feeling that something is wrong. You may finally have time to relax, but instead of feeling calm, your mind begins racing. You may think about everything you forgot to do, every conversation you need to replay, or every problem that could still go wrong. You may feel guilty for sitting still. You may become restless without knowing why. You may find something else to do because staying busy feels more comfortable than being quiet.
That does not mean you enjoy stress or want chaos. It may simply mean your body has become more familiar with pressure than peace. For some people, slowing down also allows difficult thoughts, emotions, and memories to rise to the surface.
Staying busy may have helped keep those feelings at a distance. Once the distractions stop, everything pushed aside can become harder to ignore. So, what do you do when your body seems stuck in this mode?
Unfortunately, there is no switch that instantly turns off the stress response. You cannot always reason your way out of it. You cannot simply tell yourself to calm down. And years of chronic stress cannot be reversed by taking one day off or trying one breathing exercise.
The first step may be recognizing what is happening without immediately judging yourself.
Instead of thinking:
- “I am being ridiculous.”
- “I should be over this.”
- “Why can’t I handle anything?”
You might remind yourself: “My body believes it needs to protect me right now.”
That does not mean every reaction is healthy or that we are not responsible for how we treat other people. Understanding a reaction does not excuse harmful behavior. But it can help us respond with curiosity instead of adding shame to an already overwhelmed nervous system.
From there, the goal is not to force yourself to feel completely calm. It is to give your body small reminders that the present moment is different from the danger it remembers.
That may mean placing your feet firmly on the floor and noticing what is around you.
It may mean stepping away from a heated conversation before responding.
It may mean relaxing your shoulders, unclenching your jaw, or slowing your breathing.
It may mean going outside, taking a short walk, listening to familiar music, holding something cold, or calling someone who helps you feel grounded.
Rest may also need to begin in small amounts.
A few quiet minutes instead of an entire day.
Sitting outside without trying to accomplish anything.
Listening to one song without checking your phone.
Allowing yourself to pause without believing you must earn it first.
The goal is not to find a perfect technique. It is to create repeated moments where slowing down does not lead to danger.
“The stress hormones of adrenaline and cortisol, when pumped in sufficient quantity, rival anything you can smoke or swallow. Within a year… I would envy those who could dry out in rehab. When you suffer from anxiety, you carry an endless supply.”
Anonymous
When You Feel Highly Activated, in Crisis, or Manic
Sometimes the nervous system becomes so overwhelmed that ordinary grounding techniques do not feel like enough. You may feel completely overstimulated, panicked, impulsive, disconnected, or unable to slow your thoughts and body down.
For someone experiencing mania or symptoms that may resemble mania, there may also be unusually high or irritable energy, racing thoughts, very little need for sleep, rapid speech, poor judgment, irritable or risky behavior.
These experiences are not all the same, and not every intense or sleepless moment is mania. But the first priority is the same: Safety.
If you are driving and feel unable to control your speed, focus, impulses, or reactions…. please pull over and park somewhere safe as soon as reasonably possible. Breathe.
Hopefully you have a couple people you trust enough to call and speak with when something is not okay. So use those contacts. They want you to. If they care about you, I promise they want you to call. So, please, when possible, call someone you trust and say something like: “I am overwhelmed, and I do not feel safe driving right now.” – whatever feels natural to you. But let them know what is happening. Let them know where you are, and what’s going on.
They will either come to you if possible or talk until you’re able to calm down. You may wonder how simply calling someone to talk could help. But you would be shocked how often I felt like I was crumbling, and I called one of the few people in my “tribe” who I care about and who knows most about me. And by the end of the call, almost always, I feel better than before.
Once you are physically safe, reduce stimulation. Turn down loud music. Ask to end the phone conversation. Once you calm down, you can decide whether continuing the discussion is healthy or helpful. Move away from crowds, bright lights, or conflict when possible. Focus on something physical and immediate, such as the pressure of the seat beneath you or the temperature of the air.
The goal is not to immediately feel calm. It is to stop adding more danger and stimulation while the intensity begins to pass.
If someone is driving recklessly, seems disconnected from reality, threatens harm, cannot safely care for themselves, and/or cannot be redirected, immediate professional or emergency help may be necessary. A 911 call may be necessary if there is immediate danger, but friends and family should not feel responsible for managing or pulling someone out of a serious manic or mental health crisis alone.
Severe panic, days without adequate sleep, escalating impulsivity, reckless behavior, or symptoms continuing for weeks or months should also be evaluated by a medical or mental health professional. Grounding techniques may help during a difficult moment, but they are not a replacement for treatment when someone may be experiencing manic states or other significant crises.
It is also important to notice what may still be keeping the alarm active. Sometimes we are not reacting only to the past. But also still living with conflict, unhealthy relationships, financial fear, poor boundaries, lack of sleep, overwhelming responsibilities, and/or an environment that does not feel secure.
We cannot always calm ourselves through circumstances that continue harming us. Sometimes healing also means asking for support, setting boundaries, or admitting that something in our lives is taking more than we can continue to give.
Progress may not mean becoming calm all the time. It may mean noticing the reaction sooner. Pausing before responding. Recovering more quickly after an upsetting moment. Resting for an entire hour without feeling guilty. Or asking for help before reaching your breaking point.
Healing does not mean the alarm never sounds again. It means slowly learning the difference between danger happening now and a body reacting to what happened before, so you can at least be self-aware in these scary situations.
“Lower your cortisol level. The happiest people have the lowest level of cortisol, a stress hormone that raises blood pressure and weakens the immune system. Cut the stress-more yoga, less road rage-and you’ll cut your cortisol production.”
– Daniel Gilbert
How Cortisol Connects to the Other Happy Chemicals
Although we have discussed dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins, and cortisol separately, the brain does not use them separately.
These systems constantly influence one another. When stress remains active for too long, it can change what motivates us, how connected we feel, how we experience pleasure, and what we reach for to find relief.
Dopamine may lead us to prioritize quick relief over long-term goals. The systems involved in mood, sleep, and emotional stability may become harder to regulate when the body is exhausted and constantly watching for danger.
Connection can become complicated when the body craves comfort, but the brain has learned that closeness may also lead to pain. Relief can become the main goal when someone is carrying physical or emotional pain that rarely settles.
Cortisol is not standing alone inside the body, fighting against a group of happy chemicals. And the other chemicals are not simply waiting to make us feel good once cortisol disappears. They are all part of overlapping systems that help us survive, seek rewards, connect, regulate pain, and respond to the world around us.
That is why healing is not about finding one perfect activity that increases the correct chemical. It is about understanding what the brain and body are searching for.
Is it pleasure? Is it motivation? Is it stability? Is it connection? Is it relief? Is it safety?
Once we understand the need underneath a behavior, we have a better chance of finding a healthier way to meet it.
“May your cortisol levels stay low, your dopamine levels high, your oxytocin run thick and rich, your serotonin build to a lovely plateau, and your ability to watch your brain at work keep you fascinated until your last breath.”
– David Rock
What This Series Has Taught Us
When we look at all these chemicals together, one thing becomes clear:
The brain is not simply trying to make us happy.
It is trying to help us survive, adapt, connect, avoid pain, seek rewards, and respond to the world around us.
None of these chemicals work alone. None of them is completely good or completely bad, but each can contribute to unhealthy patterns when the brain and body are not functioning in balance. As discussed throughout the last several articles, the chemicals we often call “happy chemicals”, can still become connected to harmful patterns. While cortisol is usually treated like the enemy—it is necessary for everyday life and survival.
Healing is not about forcing ourselves to feel happy all the time. It is not about eliminating stress or avoiding every uncomfortable emotion:
- It is about helping the brain and body become more flexible.
- It is about being able to respond when something is truly wrong.
- It is about being able to settle when the danger has passed.
- It is about being able to experience connection without constantly expecting harm.
- It is about being able to find relief without creating more pain.
The goal is not constant happiness. The goal is balance.
A nervous system that can move through stress without becoming trapped there. And a body that no longer has to treat every moment as something it must survive.
“In a world full of cortisol, be someone’s dopamine.”
– Anonymous
Final Reflection: Your Brain Was Trying to Protect You
Throughout this series, we have looked at the chemicals connected to motivation, mood, connection, pain relief, and stress. But underneath all of them is the same basic truth:
- Your brain is always trying to help you survive.
- Sometimes it pushes you toward something rewarding.
- Sometimes it looks for connection.
- Sometimes it dulls pain long enough for you to keep going.
- Sometimes it sounds the alarm and prepares your body to respond.
- And sometimes those systems continue doing their jobs long after the original danger has passed.
That is when protection can begin to feel like punishment.
The racing thoughts.
The tension.
The exhaustion.
The inability to relax.
The urge to reach for anything that brings relief.
The fear that something will go wrong the moment everything becomes calm.
It can be easy to look at these reactions and believe something is wrong with you. But your brain is not broken. You are not broken.
To me, these reactions do not prove that someone is weak, difficult, dramatic, or incapable of handling life. They show that the person has been through a lot. They show that the brain and body had to learn how to survive things they should never have been forced to survive in the first place.
That does not mean every pattern is still helping. It does not mean harmful choices should be ignored. And it does not mean healing happens automatically once we understand where something came from.
But understanding changes the question. Instead of only asking: “What is wrong with me?”
We can begin asking:
- “What is my brain trying to protect me from?”
- “What does my body believe is happening right now?”
- “What need am I trying to meet?”
- “And is there a healthier way to meet it now?”
Healing is not about fighting the brain. It is about helping it learn that survival is no longer the only option. And yes, surviving all of that required strength. Probably more strength than you ever should have needed.
Strength does not always look pretty. Sometimes strength looks like falling apart and getting back up. Sometimes it looks like making mistakes, shutting down, asking for help, or starting over. Sometimes it looks like surviving one more day when you had no idea how you were going to do it.
It may not always look graceful. It may not always look inspiring.
But if you survived it, and you are still going, you are fucking strong!
Your brain was not trying to ruin your life. It was trying to protect you with the information it had. Now healing gives it—and you—the chance to learn something new.
Talk next week! It will be the final entry in the Happy Chemical, Part 7, which will discuss how I have realized the effects of the Happy Chemicals and how they have played parts in my life; and how this series helped me understand what may have been happening in many of those moments.
P.S. A few reminders:
- Honestly, I have been struggling with where to go next with the blog. I have several ideas and even a couple of rough drafts of articles already written, but I am not sure whether I am ready to share them yet. I will release when the time feels right.
So, if there is a topic you would like to understand better, something you have been wondering about, something you have been struggling with and would like to understand more about, or any idea you think would fit here – please leave it in the comments below.
I would be happy to research it and add it to the blog list – as long as the topic is appropriate. Your idea may be exactly what helps me decide where we go next. I also want to thank everyone for your continued support. - Every time I see that someone new has read the blog, shared it, or liked it, it genuinely excites me. When someone tells me that something I wrote helped them, moved them, or was exactly what they needed to hear, it means more than I can explain. Although growth has been slow, even if it is helping one person, it’s worth it. And maybe it would be a little more popular had I known about the subscription issue, explained below. But each week, I see a new person reading articles, people from all over the world; I can see which countries have reviewed
These articles take a lot of time and energy, but if even one person feels less alone or understands themselves a little better because of something I wrote, then it is worth it.
And honestly, writing all of this has been therapeutic for me too.
So, thank you for continuing to read, support, and be part of this increasingly important conversation. Please keep reading and never be afraid to join in on the conversation! I love to see comments and interaction!
- And another reminder, if you subscribed since I have started the blog but never started receiving emails and are not receiving emails, please email detourfromhell@outlook.com, and I will manually add you to the list. There have been some technical issues for some time now that I was unaware of when people were subscribing. For this reason, there hasn’t been a new subscriber for several months (luckily it isn’t just because people are not interested 😊).
So please send me an email if you subscribed after I started the blog and are not receiving the emails!
I love you guys, have a great week! And next week I will be wrapping up the Happy Chemical series by discussing how I have related the Happy Chemicals to my own life, while writing this series.
Educational Disclosure:
This article is intended for general education and personal reflection. It is not a diagnosis or a substitute for individualized medical or mental health care.
Experiences such as panic, trauma reactions, overstimulation, and mania can have different causes and may require different forms of treatment. Anyone experiencing dangerous behavior, severe confusion, disconnection from reality, threats of harm, or an inability to care for themselves may need immediate professional help.
Resources
If you or someone you know is struggling, you do not have to handle it alone.
For immediate emotional distress or a mental health crisis:
Call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Support is available 24 hours a day for suicidal thoughts, emotional distress, mental health crises, or concern about someone else. Online chat is also available through the 988 Lifeline website.
If there is immediate danger:
Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room, especially if someone may harm themselves or another person, is driving dangerously, cannot safely care for themselves, or appears disconnected from reality.
To locate mental health or substance-use treatment:
Visit FindTreatment.gov, a confidential and anonymous treatment locator operated by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
For mental-health information and non-emergency support:
The NAMI HelpLine can provide emotional support, information, and local resources. Call 1-800-950-6264 or text NAMI to 62640, Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Eastern Time. The NAMI HelpLine is not a crisis line.
For help finding local services:
Call 211 for confidential help locating mental-health care, substance-use services, food assistance, housing resources, financial support, and other community programs.
Reaching out for help is not weakness, failure, or an overreaction. Sometimes the safest and strongest thing a person can do is admit that the situation has become too much to manage alone.
References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2026). Managing stress.
Read the CDC resource
Heinrichs, M., Baumgartner, T., Kirschbaum, C., & Ehlert, U. (2003). Social support and oxytocin interact to suppress cortisol and subjective responses to psychosocial stress. Biological Psychiatry, 54(12), 1389–1398.
View the study through PubMed
Hostinar, C. E., Sullivan, R. M., & Gunnar, M. R. (2014). Psychobiological mechanisms underlying the social buffering of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenocortical axis: A review of animal models and human studies across development. Psychological Bulletin, 140(1), 256–282.
View the study through PubMed
National Center for PTSD, U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. Coping with traumatic stress reactions.
Read the VA resource
National Center for PTSD, U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. Grounding techniques for traumatic stress reactions and intrusive thoughts.
Read the VA grounding resource
National Institute of Mental Health. Bipolar disorder.
Read the NIMH overview
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2014). Trauma-informed care in behavioral health services. Treatment Improvement Protocol Series 57.
Read the SAMHSA publication
Thau, L., Gandhi, J., & Sharma, S. (2025). Physiology, cortisol. StatPearls Publishing, National Center for Biotechnology Information.
Read the medical overview
Chu, B., Marwaha, K., Sanvictores, T., Ayers, D., & Rhoads, J. (2024). Physiology, stress reaction. StatPearls Publishing, National Center for Biotechnology Information.
Read the medical overview
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